pt 2-Detoured and Scared! : 2012 wave #21

{catch the other posts at Riding The 2012 Wave}

The realization of my life, hit me.
I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NOTHING
!

And the stuff I DO HAVE
— I now have to get rid of!
(ego is in his glory)

What am I doing?
I can’t be going to Sarah’s?
(ego knew I was right
and urged me to go HOME
and wallow in my pity
)

So I got back in the car and drove off.
Away from Sarah’s.

I had to do the most logical thing
I could think of doing.
(there you go, gett into my head,
do not listen to your heart, ego guided}

I went to the nearest gas station
and bought a pack of cigarettes.
(care for a light?…ego inquires)

stationphoto by ren

At this point,
it did not matter that I had quit smoking 3 months ago.
I was stressed out and wanted a smoke.
I could quit smoking again later.
(ego assures me it will be easy to quit again…
as he snickers under his breath
)

marlboro.jpg

I smoked that wonderful cigarette
as I completed my drive to Sarah’s.

…and then I felt guilty and mad at myself!
(snicker, snicker ego jeers)
LIFE!!!!!
I felt very frustrated. (ego is taking a bow)

Maybe this 2012 surf riding was a big crock of crap!
(ego assures me I am right…
the surf is a big crock of crap!!)

I pulled into the driveway,
shut off the car,
took a deep breath
and slowly exhaled.

I made it Sarah!
… we both needed that hug.

I smiled,
exited the car
and walked up to the house.
(…and ego was not happy with me!)

To be continued,
ren

Originally posted July 26, 2016
Updated fall/winter 2016/2017

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