with only 6 months to live : 2012 wave #5

{catch the other posts at Riding The 2012 Wave}

Let’s go back to the 1970’s,
for a tad of history…
as-to how I reached my
tired of life‘ state of being.

I was a teenager when mom
was diagnosed with a terminal disease.
The doctors gave her 6 months to live.
She lived 4 1/2 years.

That was my mom! 
Tell her she could not do something
and she’d find a way to do it.

After the 4 1/2 years,
mom’s organs began to shut down
and she went into a coma.

Doctors said she would not live overnight.
Mom must have heard them,
because she lived in that coma for 2 1/2 days,
before she transitioned.

Mom never saw her 50th birthday.

grandma odell 1977.jpg
photo of my mom age 49

I would think,
knowing years in advance
that mom was terminal,
would’ve  made her death easier for me.

Not true!

Mom had accepted
and even prepared for her death.
I was 20 when she died
and it tore me apart.

I felt alone, confused, etc.
and I slipped into deep depression.
I wallowed there for a good 9 months
before I decided that enough was enough.

I had to get on with my life.

It was obvious that my severe sadness,
my “depression”,
was not going to bring mom back.
(YOU are wrong! Depression is where life is.
Go get some drugs!!!, ego informs )

I had to get out of the house
and regain my life.
So, I went job hunting and
decided to take the first job
that came my way,
no matter what it was.
(you need medication, not a job, encourages ego)

That is exactly what I did.
I landed a job in a nursing home,
working with death and dying.

I was shocked!

Death and dying was what I was healing from.
Why this job?

My gut was telling me to go with it.
I had something to learn from this experience.

As it turned out,
I loved that job immensely.
It was my calling at the time.

Little did I know,
it was preparing me for where I am today.
And in hindsight,
I see I have been listening to my gut for quite a while.
(your gut is for digesting food, not for listening to, reminds ego)

To be continued,

Originally posted June 28, 2016
Updated fall/winter 2016/2017



    • Your response is a reflection, of why I quit writing this ‘mini-series’ last year. I was allowing myself to ‘relive’ what I was writing…. it dragged me down. So I quit writing it.

      To be honest…I feel I am at ease with the loss of my mother. I hold a new perspective of what death means to me.
      Thank you for your kindness, Dolly. Means a lot to me.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Hugz to you Dolly…my heart feels for you…. and I send you extra love.

        Have you posted about your loss? [forgive me if I read, and do not recall…or did not read]

        And, yes, I honestly am at ease, with the loss of my mother.
        I believe that a piece of our dearly departed, remains with us…always.
        Certainly you can feel her in your heart?

        It’s like, we never really die. The vessel we use, to get around on Earth, dies off… but the ‘true us’ is eternal.

        I am happy for mom in many ways.
        I would love to see funerals turn from ‘grief-ridden’, to “celebra-tious” events.
        Bless you, you will find your answers. Keep looking within.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Dear Ren, you are such a wonderful, caring soul! Yes, I also believe that the body (the vessel) is temporary, but the soul is eternal, and my dad’s kindness and his beautiful smile is always with me. I miss nightly phone calls and Sunday visits, and most of all, I miss holidays and family occasions with dad at the head of the table, his jokes and his words of wisdom. This blog is my way of dealing with it. Read this, and you’ll understand: https://koolkosherkitchen.wordpress.com/2016/05/05/hello-beautiful-people/

        Liked by 1 person

      • Yes, I now understand. Thank you for the link. His absence is still very fresh for you.
        Bless you Dolly. It does get better, when we are ready to allow it.

        How fortunate you are to have all your wonderful memories of your father.

        After 40 years, I won’t say I do not remember my mother, but I cannot recall her face, beyond the photograph in my post.
        Her voice? I do not recall its sound.
        I do hold dear, my heartfelt connection, I had with my mother.
        Hugz to you sweetie…you are a beautiful soul Dolly.
        Much Love,

        Liked by 1 person

  1. I understand losing a mother really makes us depressed. I was too and my colleague at work can see the difference in me and the way I work, unfortunately. Though I am now recovered still the thought of her will never cease.

    Liked by 1 person

    • The thought of her can’t cease, for I believe that our dearly departed stay with us always…in some way, a piece of them, remains with us.

      And, over the years, I have changed my beliefs on death.I no longer find it to be sad and depressing. Death is actually a beautiful transition.
      I have blogged a few times about it.

      Liked by 1 person

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