The Self-Doubt of Self-Love! and It is time to Get Over It!

I enjoy following the 365 Days (of acts) of Kindness she is doing. What a commitment and how awesome! I have been having great enjoyment witnessing the creativity of her acts.

However, some readers feel that her acts of kindness c/should be addressed to herself. I once commented, asking if that was ‘legal’ in her book of Acts of Kindness.

In her recent post #32, this act of ‘self love’ kindness, is addressed. [I see an internal battle erupting.]  And she is going to devote a week to Self Acts of Kindness.  I encourage you to jot over to H E R E and check it out.

That post has triggered this post.

Some years ago, when I learned about ‘self love’…or, loving oneself … I thought it was a very selfish act. Most everyone else thought so too.

To put myself before others?….

… that went against all that I was taught. I did not believe it!

I was brought up [and society drummed into me]
that I had to take care of others, FIRST.
My husband
My family
My kids
My friends
My job
My neighbors
My pets
My EVERYONE else was more important than myself.
That was how life is! Love it! Live it! Do it!

So, all I had to do, was make everyone else feel better and I would find love in that.
Well, yes, I did.
For my entire life, that is what I believed.

And what it got me was, depression.
I was being neglected.
I was taking care of everyone else and
everyone was expecting me to take care of them.

It became my life career to keep everyone else happy. 

  • But what about Ren?
  • No one was taking care of Ren.
  • Not even Ren was taking care of Ren.

And I learned:
giving my all to everyone else…
to serve them first and
take care of their needs first….
virtually ignoring my own needs……
I learned that was wrong.
That was Backwards!
I am the most important person I know and
I will love me first.

And I do not believe you can understand that,
until you learn to love you,
for who you truly are.
And that is okay.

You have to be selfish when it comes to loving yourself.
If you are not selfish about it, then you are not fully loving yourself yet.

It is NOT selfish to love yourself!

People NEED to get over it!

If you do not love you, ain’t no one else gonna!

If you can’t talk nice about you, ain’t no one else gonna!

I am the most important person I know. Without me, I do not exist on this Earth.
It took a lot for me to learn to put myself first. Let alone to LOVE me.
Once I did, like anything else, it became easier and began to make more sense.

By loving me first, I am bettering myself and being a reflection to others.
How could I possibly truly love another person,
when I do not know how to love myself?
That makes for a very, very unhealthy relationship. I speak from experience.
I now believe, to have a loving relationship with others,
begins with self love.

Charlie (left), Missy (right) are expressions of unconditional love


In conclusion… it is easy to say the words, “I love myself”.
I know, I said that lie for years.  Until I hit bottom and burned out with serving others.
I found out, it is not so easy to actually Love Yourself.
And I also found out, once you do figure it out…. it is so worth it.
It is actually easier than you think.  You just gotta wanna love yourself.
That was not a contradiction.
Loving yourself is so easy, it is hard.

Any comments?



  1. Your Charlie looks exactly like my Shabbos who passed away 8 years ago, down to the “ink spot” on the nose. The photo almost made me cry, but my lovely Beba and Barmalei came along and gave me their own unconditional love. Beba looks like that, too, but without the ink spot. Barmalei is completely black and looks masculine and majestic, but he is the more affectionate of the two. Yes, we can learn a lot from cats. They obviously love themselves, and that allows them to love others.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. GREAT POST! In agreement–My post Compassionate or Doormat tells about my struggle and solution to the ‘why be a doormat’ problem. The answer, for me, was not self-loving or self-respecting FIRST before others. That is the secret to being a good care-*giver! Care for yourself first, above all. This above all, to thine own self be true… and all that. Thanks so much for sharing!

    Liked by 1 person

    • I reread your Compassionate or Doormat post and I see what you are referring to with The Farrier situation. In that post, you stated “”… I no longer feel conflicted when someone is in need. It is easier to judge if I can help them or not.)””

      That ‘knowingness’ you gained from your Farrier experience, is what I call ‘ spiritual discernment’. For me, the more it gets ‘exercised’, the easier it becomes to discern any given situation. As you obviously already know. 🙂
      Thanx for making this ‘comparison’ and I agree with you, ‘Care for yourself first, above all.’
      I appreciate your comments very much, ren

      Liked by 1 person

  3. “Loving yourself is so easy, it is hard.”

    I think this hits the nail right on the head.

    Really enjoyed reading this – it reinforces the train of thought I’ve been on and my change in tactic for the week.

    Happiness is an inside job and until we take care of ourselves, it’s hard to extend that love to others. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Ren my Kindred Spirit,

    I love your thought process and the direction you took it in. Loving oneself is a great personal responsibility. To be in control of your emotions, feelings, thoughts and spoken words. All four of these factor into the issue at hand. I think that being a personal mess is just that…a personal mess. It is that persons own responsibility to make sure there is loving-kindness above all else. I also think that to responsibly bring life into this world, whether that life be a new spiritual being having a human experience or a fur-baby that will share in that unconditional circle of love freely given. Either one deserves you to love yourself first so you know how to freely give love to another and know that you are intentionally doing just that…loving-kindness brought to life.

    With all the loving-kindness I possess,


    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you Meredith! I appreciate how you say, “”Loving oneself is a great personal responsibility””. Bingo! Very well put. A Personal Responsibility! I like that, thanx for this comment. ren

      Liked by 1 person

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