alone with self, can be a scary thing – you agree?

Are you also noticing more writings on the importance of self-love?  I can testify that my life went to another level, once I figured out how to love myself. And that was a tough one for me!

I want to share an experience, on what I feel is the opposite of self-love.  I call it, self-fear; the fear of being alone with yourself.  Been there, done that, both personally and observing others.

The fear of being alone with oneself can be horrifying to some of us, uncomfortable for most.

self fear
turmoil of self-fear

Let me explain it this way…

When people are home alone, they generally have something playing in the background.  Maybe music or TV.

“I just want a little ‘background noise’,” is a common phrase I hear.

Personally, I prefer the silence.  When most people first enter my home, they are instantly hit with silence.  They hear it so loudly, most everyone remarks….

“Is it always this quiet?”

“The lack of noise would bother me!”

“How do you live like that?”

It can be down right comical at times.  And don’t forget — I feel the same about their preference of having a ‘background noise’. I have not watched TV since 2010, nor am I a big radio fan.   How can they live with the noise?

And – It is, what it is.  🙂

Sure would be a dull and boring world, if everyone liked the exact same thing.


I want to share an experience from a few years back.  I was observing a young adult, struggling with the realization that they would soon be all alone.  Alone at home, for many hour stretches and for weeks on end.  They seemed to dread the idea of being alone, more than the reality of their upcoming surgery.

Onalee was being faced with going home to an empty house, after having a very complex leg surgery.  She was dreading the idea of being alone.  “Sweating Bullets!” as they say.

Mid 20’s, a hospital worker, newly married and socially active.  Onalee was going to be alone at home, during her healing process. All Alone!

  • Her husband worked long hours, at his business
  • A nurse did visit Onalee, as needed, but could not stay long.

Onalee would lack human contact for most of the day.

She was feeling quite insecure…fears developed……

She might fall and can’t get up! 

What if she needed something? 

Or couldn’t get out of the chair? 

Or what if…?

Sure, she had the entertainment items:

  • magazines
  • TV
  • cell phone
  • laptop, etc.

… to “preoccupy the mind”;   Being alone with only herself, was scary and unknown territory.

Witnessing Onalee’s emotional turmoil, broke my heart.  Why couldn’t she just relax and be alone with herself? She might like it.  And yet, I truly could empathize with her.  I remember when I once had felt the same way.

Onalee was not one to sit idle in times of a crisis. She developed a plan of action.  What did she do?  She created an agenda.  She diligently set forth with making the arrangements, for people to visit her. One phone call after another. She finally got it all mapped out and felt much more at ease.

She did have a few ‘vacancies’ in her agenda, which she just could not get ‘booked’.   When asked, Onalee would calmly reply, “I don’t need someone with me every minute!”


How precious, don’t you think?  Rather than sit back and complain, Onalee took action and found resolve that was very comforting for her.  Once she felt ‘fulfilled’, life was good and she could move forward. Perhaps one day she will be silent and listen.

What about you?  Are you okay with being alone with you?  With no background noise?

I am on top of the world, alone with self


  1. I recall being terrified of being off for the 10 days of holiday vacation some years ago. I usually love, love, love free time, but I had just felt very rejected by a man who was never even interested in me. My shattered heart was not even repaired from the divorce 18 months prior. I have this image of my heart in a million pieces, and my very shaky hands trying to sew back each piece of my heart. I was not done healing yet and Bam, there was another hurt. And, now that I look back, it was self imposed. It was another lesson in ‘totally wrong man I was chasing after’. That’s hard stuff to process. I felt vulnerable, naked, and terrified! I recall the feeling. As it turned out, I was okay with being alone, and also okay in dealing with loneliness, which are two totally different things.

    As for noise, I always do have soft background noise on. Not tv but very soft non-vocal music. In the early morning, I prefer only the noise of local birds. My neighbor and riding partner is different. I’ll go to his home and he’ll be sitting there. Just. Sitting. No music. No book. No TV. I think he is Buddha reincarnated! I wish my mind had the capacity to chillax like that and not ‘need’ something there as a pacifier. Some day I’ll get there. Great post. Thanks for sharing!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Great input, thanx bunches. It can be a hard adjustment for many, to be alone with themselves. I have seen it with some of my friends.

      Oh yes, I had not even thought of loneliness. Thanx for pointing out it is not the same as ‘being alone with self’.
      Thanx again, I really appreciate the interaction. ren


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