ego swiped my surfboard :-(

Originally posted June 30, 2016
Updated fall/winter 2016/2017


THIS IS AN OLD POST.
FOR THE UPDATED VERSION,

PLEASE REFER TO – 


: 2012 wave #11 and
: 2012 wave #12

 

march-weather1.jpg
photo by ren

It was a decent spring day, 2012 and I was headed to Sarah’s. [read more here]  Only for a few days! (my ego reminded me)  Yep, a few days or so and Sarah should be refreshed enough to carry on with life.  Then I could return home and continue packing for my move.

…. packing for my move, getting ready to head out, going to move on…. and who was I kidding?  (ego is now poised on my shoulder, smirking)

During my hour drive to Sarah’s, I reflected over the past few years. (ego cleverly guided the reflections)

tornadic cloud roll

I had no where to move to! (ego pointed out) And what would I do with all my worldly possessions? I had over half a century of accumulated personal belongings in the house to deal with! (ego reminded me about the stuff in the garage)  I had too much stuff!  (George Carlin talks about “Stuff” HERE)

My life savings was dwindling, which had sustained me for the past two years, after the downsizing of my job. Unemployment benefits (income) would soon run out, which nary touched the ever mounting bills. (cry a river, ego urged)

Just eight months prior, I completed one of the most horrible acts of my life. It was out of character for me and against what I believed at the time.  My Chapter 7 case had been Discharged. I had rid my debt by filing bankruptcy. (ego is cheering loudly right now) That was SO unlike me.  I felt degraded. (ego is glowing like a neon sign)

Dean had advised me to file bankruptcy back then, as soon as he learned I lost my job.  He himself had walked away from bankruptcy and “it really was not that big of a deal,” he would tell me.

Maybe not for him!   It was against everything I stood for! No bankruptcy!  I would find a way to pay my debtors!  End of conversation!

{Dean was my bud for life!  Friends to the end! He knew me well, after twenty some years of budship.  And he loved me :-)}  (ego sees I feel good and is impatiently tapping my shoulder)

Dean and I could get into some heavy debates.  I use to dig my heals in stubbornly when I felt I had ‘grounds to stand on’. (ego claps) And could validate each of my reasons for my beliefs.  I also could admit when I was wrong. (ego shrugs)

Right now, I was upset at Dean’s negative attitude.  And deep down inside, I knew he was right.  Pride was blinding me. (ego was dancing a jig) I could not admit I was wrong.

I was starting to feel quite down and out. (ego was beaming with joy)  I almost missed my turn.  Now I needed to concentrate and watch for deer. I was getting closer to Sarah’s rural Michigan home.

da deer

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2 comments

  1. Oh my I have been to the “I don’t want to file for bankruptcy” thing myself. I did it, kicking and screaming. But more than ten years later, I realize I don’t have someone else’s $50K to pay off. I had married a man that spent my money before I even saw it. He spent us into oblivion. But, I must take my 50% share of the blame for letting it happen. It took ten long years for it to come off my record. I’m happily single, and the thing is off my public record. It was very humiliating at the time, much so. Even degrading. I hear you there. At the time, I did my best and moved on. Thanks for this post!

    Liked by 1 person

    • and Thank you for sharing your experience. Your bankruptcy occurred when there was a stronger stigma about filing. By the time I filed, they were revamping the bankruptcy laws because filing was becoming the new norm. I am glad to know someone else can relate. And I am with ya on the ‘happily single’ life, 20+ years and counting. 🙂 ren

      Liked by 1 person

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