Originally posted June 28, 2016
Updated fall/winter 2016/2017
THIS IS AN OLD POST.
FOR THE UPDATED VERSION,
PLEASE REFER TO –
: 2012 wave #5
As I mentioned in, In the beginning, was Belief, I had reached a point in my life, where death was more inviting than life. Not that I was suicidal, I just wanted my end-days to come.
Let’s go back to the 1970’s, for a tad of history as to how I reached my ‘tiredness of life’ state of being.
I was a teenager when mom was diagnosed with a terminal disease. The doctors gave her 6 months to live. She lived 4 1/2 years.
That was my mom! Tell her she could not do something and she’d find a way to do it.
After the 4 1/2 years, mom went into a coma. Doctors said she would not live overnight. Mom must have heard them, cuz she lived in that coma for 2 1/2 days, before passing away. She never saw her 50th birthday.
I’d think, knowing years in advance that mom was terminal, would’ve made her death easier for me. Not true. Mom had accepted and even prepared for her death. I was 20 when she died and it tore me apart.
I felt alone, confused, etc. and I slipped into depression. I wallowed there for a good 9 months before I decided that enough was enough. I had to get on with my life. It was obvious that my severe sadness, my “depression”, was not going to bring mom back.
I had to get out of the house and regain my life. So, I went job hunting and decided to take the first job that came my way, no matter what it was. That is exactly what I did. I landed a job in a nursing home, working with death and dying.
I was shocked! Death and dying was what I was healing from. Why this job? My gut was telling me to go with it. I had something to learn from this experience.
As it turned out, I loved that job immensely. It was my calling at the time. Little did I know, it was preparing me for where I am today. And in hindsight, I see I have been listening to my gut for quite a while.